Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Play-Doh Crack

Day Two of Get It Together Already And Blog is here and so am I.


Don't be.

I'm recycling today. I found this little blog treasure in my recycling bin and, by golly, I'm using it. Actually, I was inspired by Suburban Matron's post about the scent of Play-Doh and instead of a time warp to kindergarten like she had, I time warped to MySpace. I doubt this was her intention, but I didn't have actual Play-Doh, so the effect was lost. Anyhow, as she was pondering the miracle of olfactory memory response, my brain had moved onto one of my many issues.

Now, we haven't known each other very long, but there are two things that terrify me, "and one of them is nuclear war"!
Ok, that's Austin Powers' issue.

Mine is far more terrifying and a real threat to us everyday.


It's perhaps the scariest thing that man has ever had the audacity to create. So, with that little breadcrumb from my personal psycho path, I hope that you can understand why my brain went in a completely different direction when Suburban Matron mentioned the dreaded dough.

So, join me and the ghost of blogs past as we revisit another issue I have with clay.

"Another clay-type issue?", you may ask. "How many can one person have?"


MySpace Blog, circa 2008
Remember when you were little (or big, whatever) and you played with Play-Doh? As many of you know, I'm not so much a fan of people or animals made out of Play-Doh. Ya know, because they could come alive and torment me. Anyhow, if you're not going to make animals or people out of Play-Doh then the next best thing to make out of Play-Doh was food. You started out with making a pretzel, because that's the first thing you make when you start out with a long Play-Doh rope (unless you make a snake, which you shouldn't, because it's freakish). Then, you move onto other food choices; pizza, cookies, etc. Apartently the people at Play-Doh caught onto this, because they came out with the different playsets to accommodate Play-Doh food making, like the McDonalds playset, Pizza Playset, Ice Cream Playset, whatever.

Anyhow, I always thought this was really effed up, because you could make food, but you couldn't eat it.

Unless you did, and that's ok too.

Why would a toy company want to entice children into eating clay? If this was their plan, why didn't they make it taste better? This just doesn't make any sense to me. They must have know we were going to be tempted to eat their product? I mean, come on, some of us (not me, but no judgement) ate paste! Paste! It didn't even look appealing and still it was consumed!?! Evidently the paste people even flavored the paste to taste like mint.

This confuses me? They did this for one of two reasons.

One, they realized that kids were eating the paste and, as such, saw that the product now had a different use and flavored it to make it irresistable to the kids who were already eating it, and also to making it more appealing so that they could market it to the kids who hadn't yet made the leap from being tempted to actually eating it.

Or two, they knew that kids were eating it and they realized, "Hey, kids are eating paste, that can't be good for them. But how can we take it away from them, they're boosting our sales! If their parents find out they'll take away the paste. I know, we'll add mint flavoring and then the parents will just think that the kids are great at brushing their teeth. Brilliant."

That being said, why didn't Play-Doh realize that had they flavored their product they would have made a fortune?! Instead, after making our McDonalds shaped Play-Doh "food" and then realizing that the Play-Doh didn't  have the desired flavor, all that we were left with was an unsatified craving for the fake food that just sat there and tormented us...inedible, but still hunger inducing. It's a crap-shoot that we all had to endure at a young age.

I was thinking about this while making veggie bacon this morning. It looks like bacon...sort of, but is there anything about it that actually reminds you of bacon? Not so much. Had the package not said "Bacon", but instead just "Soy that comes in strip form" I probably wouldn't have even bought Veggie Bacon. But, instead, I continue to buy Veggie Bacon. I eat it. It's alright, I guess. But seriously, it doens't really satify any bacon cravings I might have. Come to think of it, I don't really crave bacon, but the prospect of being able to eat bacon that doesn't have the fat and calories that it should have is too tempting to pass up. So I eat it. Why? It's stupid. It's just like eating McDonalds shaped Play-Doh. You didn't even know you wanted McDonalds until you made something that looked like it, and then you wanted it. So now, I've eaten breakfast, and although I'm full, all I want is bacon?!!?  Had the Veggie Bacon never crossed my path and I'd had oatmeal instead, I wouldn't even have thought about bacon. But here it is, and I'm thinking about bacon. It's still a crap-shoot.

Then, merely by coincidence, I saw this Natalie Dee comic today

...and then I really wanted a cigarette. I don't even smoke. It's a good thing I'd never thought of making Play-Doh cigarettes. I may have started smoking at a very young age. And for that matter, it's a good thing I never thought of making Play-Doh crack.

Between my complete fear of claymation and my obvious disappointment with Play-Doh cuisine, there are definitely some issues here.

Maybe I'm just really easily influenced by Play-Doh.


So....there's that.

I don't really know why the last little bit is yellow. And hyperlinked. Some kind of Internet-talky-talk that's completely lost on me. Oh well.

Hmmmm. That's all I've got. I wish I had more in me, but it's been a long day and I've just unsuccessfully made a very week pot of coffee that I need to consume immediately or I won't make it 'till 9pm. The first sign that you may need coffee is the inability to gather the mental capacity to actually make a pot of coffee. I may or may not have added half the amount if grounds required, but I need to coffee to figure it out.

Night folks!

P.S. Watching a recorded episode of Glee and Fin is wearing the hoodie that I had to beg and convince my Hubs to buy at Old Navy. I think that makes me the winner of that battle. I'm all, "See Honey. We're still cool. Right? RIGHT?"


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