Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A few introductions

Las Vegas is a weird town. This is obvious for many reasons. Being born and raised here, most of the stuff that people find strange about Vegas are completely normal to me. I'm a little lost when I don't see slot machines in a convenience store or the airport. When Scott and I moved to Eugene, OR I was completely baffled by this strange term that kept getting thrown around. I heard it about the same time every night we'd go out. It seemed everyone knew what it meant but me. You may have heard it before, "Last Call"? Such a strange concept. Anyhow, one very strange thing about Vegas is our neighborhoods, or lack thereof. I mean, we have 'em, of course, but you don't know your neighbors. You honestly never speak to them. I'm not exactly sure why. I don't really remember it being this way when I was a kid, but I was a kid, know...warped sense of what actually was going on. Although, when I was young we played outside and had yards so you were around your neighbors kids at least.

Let me explain a little about that. Vegas is in a desert. Evidently this wasn't obvious when I was a kid, so everyone had a front yard with grass and trees and such. Since then Vegas folks have chosen/been forced to choose xeric landscaping (drought tolerant), which is great and all, but it's eliminated front yards to play in. Also, as I'm sure you've noticed, Vegas is ground zero for the whole housing fuck-bomb. So there's nobody left in our neighborhoods. There are 3 houses for sale on my street...and that's an improvement. There are also empty houses, forclosed on, that aren't up for sale yet. Seriously, it's no good. Leading up to the whole bubble-burst thing, housing prices were all sorts of nuts and developers were crowding every bit of available land with houses. Some smarty-pants guy was like, "Dude, who needs sidewalks? Not these fools"!


500 BC-2007

Yeah. So, there goes the neighborhood. I'm pretty sure that's how that's how it all went down. Also, it's like a thousand degrees here, so it's not like anyone is out chilling on the porch, chit-chatting with their neighbors. Honestly, if I saw someone hanging out outside I wouldn't want to talk to them, as they would have to be mentally ill. "Get in the house, yo. There's AC! It's the future. Go, go"!

This brings us to introduction number one. Meet "Hoarder Neighbors".

Not only do they hoard stuff, which I only know because you can see that their garage is filled. Not normal filled, but like FILLED to the top. It's an engineering marvel, that garage. But also, ALSO, I think they hoard people. There are always 3 cars there, in the driveway, not in the garage, because, like I said, the garage is full of crap. The reason I know what their garage looks like is because there is an old man who sits in the garage in a folding chair in front of a folding table with a tiny TV on it. Everyday. Winter, Summer, Spring, Fall, Rain, Shine, Nuclear Holocaust, whatever. Did I mention that he's his underwear? Yup. Are you ready to move over here yet? So, yes. Lot's of cars. Lot's of stuff. Lot's of people overflowing into the garage.

There may be more to their story, but like I said, we don't talk to neighbors 'round here. Also, they fall under the "mentally ill" category due to their being outside instead of exhibiting the simple act of self-preservation, which entails...going inside! Climate control folks! It's a freaking desert out there, even in the garage.

One thing they don't hoard: curtains.
One thing they do hoard: sheets on windows.

You probably think that they should be called the White Trash neighbors with that decorating style, but oh no. No no no no no. That title is already taken.

That is an introduction for another day. Ooooh, it's a good one too!

Warning: This may be a little late in the game but I'm judging these people. Judge, judge, judging away. You will find that I'm going to get all petty and snotty 'round here. It's all in good fun though. Fun times in my little Bloggy World where I can judge from my ivory tower and my neighbors are none the wiser.

I wonder if my neighbors have blogs? Who am I in their Bloggy World?

Awesome Neighbor. Duh. I'm more likely to be Has Lots of Wine Bottles In Her Recycling Neighbor. Oh yeah! Wine and Climate Control. It's the good life.

Which neighbor are you?

Oh! The reason I'm introducing my neighbors is because I found soooo much enjoyment reading about Suburban Matron's neighbors. If you haven't read her shiz you need to get on it. She's pretty awesome. She says "betcha" from time to time. It makes be giggle.

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